Tales of Coffee
by Master of Caffeine
Summary: What happens when the ToS characters are introduced to coffee? Utter chaos. Rated T for later chapters. BACK FROM THE DEAD! Zelos admits his love for...well, that would be spoiling it, wouldn't it? Plus, something resembling an ACTUAL PLOT reveals itself!
1. Mithos

Disclaimer: I don't own Namco or Tales Studio. But every day, I wish I did.

* * *

MOC: Tonight, on the program, we look at the most terrifying weapon man has ever created - one that is sweeping across the world like wildfire. It destroys countries and reduces men to nothing. As you are about to find out, even Mithos Yggdrasil fell to its power. This weapon, my friends, is the concoction that is...COFFEE. 

(Dun dun DUN!)

MOC: Dammit, I told them to stop doing that every time I said coffee.

(Dun dun DUN!)

MOC: ...Forget it. I'm not even going to say IT anymore.

SFXcrew: Boo...

MOC: Anyway, this is the story of one man's introduction to the substance...and his imminent downfall.

* * *

Life got pretty boring after you'd been around for 4000 years. 

Mithos Yggdrasil knew that perfectly well. Recently, it felt like all the energy had been drained out of him – like a Cruxis Crystal, but worse.

"Lord Yggdrasil…"

It was Kratos. Mithos (in his adult form) almost paid attention to him.

"What is it?"

Kratos pulled out a cup with a strange brown liquid inside it.

"I thought you'd need a drink of this."

Mithos looked at the cup. The liquid seemed boiling hot.

_Whatever. I can't feel heat anymore, anyway._

Mithos took the cup and emptied it in a single gulp.

For a moment, nothing happened. Kratos took a few steps backwards.

Then the transformation began.

Mithos' eyes bulged open. He suddenly jumped to his feet, turned into a child and began to dance.

"One, Maca, Two, Maca, Three, Macarena…"

Yuan snuck his head around the corner, looking at Kratos.

"What did you give him?"

Kratos smiled.

"Coffee. Straight out of Meltokio."

"HEY MACARENA!"

Mithos was running around now, leaving marks on the floor. His face reminded Kratos of his son as a child, so young, innocent…and energetic.

Mithos suddenly jumped into the air and began to fly.

"Look at me, Kratos! I'm a birdie!"

Yuan and Kratos both stared at Mithos.

"Maybe you've taken this a **little **too far, Kratos." Yuan was clearly panicking.

"You think this is bad? The worst is probably yet to come…"

He was right. Mithos took a turn for the worse…pyrotechnic style.

* * *

At the same time, in the city of Sybak, one boy was struggling with his schoolwork.

_What the hell is combustion?_

As if on cue, the boy was passed a note by a nearby girl.

"Thanks, hunny." He whispered back to her.

Then, for no reason whatsoever, his hair lighted on fire.

For a moment, he didn't notice. But when he did…

"HELP! MY HAIR'S ON FIRE!"

The boy ran out of the room and jumped into the nearest fountain, half-drowning himself in the process.

His teacher was not impressed.

_That Zelos Wilder…always finding an excuse to get out of class.

* * *

_

Yuan and Kratos saw the whole thing.

"Ouch." They called in unison, wincing.

Mithos was coming down now. The light seemed to fade from his eyes as he landed.

He slumped back onto his throne.

"This'll be the 'morning after' effect they were talking about."

Mithos had never been so depressed in his life.

"Nothing is cool anymore."

Silence. Kratos stifled a laugh.

"So, Mithos, another cup?"

* * *

MOC: That, my friends, is just one of the horrible disasters brought around by COFFEE. 

(Dun dun DUN!)

MOC: ...That's it. I'm outta here. They aren't paying me enough for this, anyway.

(MOC walks out of the room)

SFX Crew: Um...R&R?


	2. Yuan

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely positively nothing.**

**MOC: Mithos Yggdrasil was not the only victim of the horrendous drink known as coffee.**

**(Dun dun DUN!)**

**MOC: (getting irritated) In fact, he managed to escape relatively easily, in comparison with our next victim...Yuan-**

**(Train passes, making it impossible to hear MOC)**

_

* * *

_

_That was…interesting.  
_Yuan had recently witnessed the effects of a simple cup of coffee on Mithos Yggdrasil. He tried his best not to be impressed by the sudden energy boost Mithos had received – the amount of damage he'd done to Derris-Kharlan.  
He failed.  
_Damn, I've got to try this stuff!_  
"Botta, get me a cup of coffee." Yuan said, ordering around his subordinate.  
"Yes, Lord Yuan."

After half an hour, Botta returned, with the coffee in his hand.  
"Here you go, sir. One cup of Meltokio coffee."  
Yuan smiled.  
"You may want to leave, Botta. This may be unpleasant."  
Botta nodded.  
"There were reports of an intruder anyway. I shall investigate."  
And so Botta was gone.  
Yuan stared at the cup. What could be in this stuff that turned Mithos into a hyperactive 5-year-old?  
He quickly drank the strange brown liquid.  
At that very moment, Lloyd Irving walked through the door.  
"Phew, that was close."  
Yuan jumped at him.  
"Andjustwhothehellareyou!" he screamed. His voice had taken on the pitch of a young girl.  
Yuan pulled out his fancy double-bladed sword thing.  
Lloyd wore a confident grin.  
"Give me your name, and I shall give you mine!"  
Yuan jumped.  
"Yay! Is this a game? I love games!"  
He pulled out a piece of paper and wrote down his name. Lloyd simply watched on in confusion.  
"My name is Yuan..."  
"Sir! There are reports of the Chosen's group infiltrating the facility!"  
Botta ran into the room and froze.  
"…Um…Sir?"  
Yuan jumped towards Botta.  
"Ooh, you mean Kratos? Yay! Let's play hide and seek!"  
Yuan ran for the door, before suddenly turning to Lloyd.  
"Next time I see you, let's play again!"  
On the way out of the door, he cried;  
"Don't forget, it's Yuan..."  
Suddenly, the caffeine wore off.  
The door shut just in time to stop anyone from watching Yuan fall to the floor.  
"Oh no…I'm coming down…I need another cup!"  
Thus the first coffee addict was born.

* * *

**MOC: And so, Yuan-**

**(Rock concert drowns out MOC)**

**MOC: ...became a horrific addict to coffee.**

**(Dun dun DUN!)**

**MOC: ...Indignation.**

**(BANG!)**

**SFX Crew: Ow...**


	3. Presea

(Yuan jumps on stage)

Yuan: Hi! This is a story all about a little girl who met the coffee monster!

MOC and SFX Crew: ...

Yuan: Ooh! Is this a game? Yay!

(Yuan says nothing for the next 4 hours)

MOC: ...Anyway...

Disclaimer: I own pretty much nothing...and that nothing doesn't include Namco or Tales Studio. (sob)

MOC: (sees the break) Wait! I haven't said my lines yet!

* * *

"Presea, you want a drink?"

It was a short visit to Meltokio before leaving for Derris-Kharlan. Everyone was preparing supplies – they didn't know how long this would take.

"I would like a coffee, please."

Everyone froze. They knew the effects of coffee – Kratos had told them (in-between bursts of laughter).

Genis was first to break the silence.

"But Presea! You'll go crazy and probably kill us!"

"It is too late for that; Zelos has brought the coffee."

Indeed, Zelos walked up, bringing a cup of coffee. (Meanwhile, in the background, Yuan wondered where his latest cup of coffee went.)

"Besides, maybe my emotions will come out if I drink this…"

_Then maybe…I can let Genis know…_

Closing her eyes, Presea drank the whole cup without so much as breathing.

For a moment, silence.

Then, abruptly, Presea ran up to Genis and hugged him.

"Genis…"

Genis turned a new shade of red – one so red it can't be described in words.

_She…feels the same way…_

Genis began to cry.

"Presea…I lo-"

"Do you have cake?"

Genis never finished the sentence.

"Um…no…but I lo-"

"I want cake."

Presea let go of Genis and departed for a nearby coffee shop.

Genis fainted from shock.

_I was so…damn…close…_

The random cake shop NPC didn't know what he was in for as Presea entered his store.

"Do you have cake?" Presea asked in an inquisitive tone; the kind a child used when they asked where babies came from.

"Yes, I have plenty. What would you like?"

"All of it."

The NPC froze.

_Wow, we've got a big spender here…_

"Okay…that'll be 683700 gald."

Meltokio bakeries had a LOT of cakes.

"No. Give me the cakes."

"I'll give you the cakes if you give me-"

Presea quickly pulled out her axe and put it next to the NPC's throat.

"Give…me…cake."

The man began to squeal.

"Okay, okay…just give me a minute."

The NPC vanished into the room behind.

Presea was alone, surrounded by cakes and on a caffeine rush. It didn't take a genius to figure out what happened next.

* * *

"Yeah, see, a little girl is holding me up for all my cakes…no, I'm serious…yes, it's a real axe…she smashed my window to prove it…no, I HAVEN'T been drinking coffee…" 

Eventually, the NPC gave up. They weren't going to believe him anyway…

He walked back to the counter to find his cakes gone and Presea lying on the floor unable to move.

"Hatred for everything: 100 percent."

The NPC frowned. He was going to have to sue that coffee guy down the street for this.

* * *

Yuan: ...That wasn't fun.

MOC: ...I didn't even get to say my lines this chapter...

SFX Crew: And we didn't get to do our job. That means we don't get paid!

(Silence)

MOC and SFX Crew: LET'S GET HIM!

Yuan: Ooh! It's tag! I love tag!

(All run off stage)


	4. Kratos Serious

Disclaimer: Me + Namco equals No. Me + Tales Studio equals No.

MOC: Coffee-

(Dun dun DUN!)

MOC: -has uses besides turning you into a madman.

(silence)

MOC: Okay, maybe not. But anyway, being a madman can help, as the story below can prove...

_

* * *

_

_I will have to fight Lloyd tomorrow…_

Kratos was shaken. Fighting a master swordsman was one thing, but fighting your own son was another.

Could he win? Or had Lloyd become so strong that such a result was unthinkable?

"Kratos?"

It was Yuan – standing behind him with two cups of coffee in his hands.

"I think I came at a bad time. What's going on?"

Kratos took a few seconds to let the question register.

"...I must fight Lloyd tomorrow."

Yuan was silent. He knew the situation – Origin couldn't be released if Kratos didn't give away his mana.

"Do you think you can win? More importantly, do you WANT to win?"

Kratos said nothing. Was it not obvious that a father did not want to kill his own son?

"…I see. Then you'll need this."

Yuan pulled out something.

_No…it can't be…_

"Are you serious? This means so much to you…"

"But you're my best friend, Kratos. You need it a lot more."

Kratos nodded. For a moment, he smiled.

"Thank you, Yuan. I may have a chance with this."

The next day, Lloyd and Kratos met upon Origin's Seal. Lloyd refused to let anyone help him, saying it was "his own fight to win".

Kratos was hesitant – this revealed itself in his fighting style. It was slow, obviously cautious, and without force. This was no match for Lloyd's agile, fatal attacks.

After only a few minutes, Kratos was clearly losing. He considered surrendering, just releasing the seal.

…_No. Yuan gave me this…it would be a disgrace not to use it._

Kratos pulled out an item considered taboo by the people of the group.

Lloyd was speechless.

"Kratos…is that…coffee?"

Kratos took the cup and emptied it hastily. He seemed to freeze. Then, suddenly, he began to laugh.

"This is for every time I've been defeated by you. You and your band have outnumbered and defeated me too many times!"

Kratos sounded more like Mithos than anything else. Lloyd braced himself for a difficult fight.

Kratos dashed towards Lloyd like a bullet. His previously slow style was now sudden, seemingly random. Lloyd struggled to block blow after blow after blow from the Seraphim.

The rest of the team watched on in terror. Surely Lloyd could not survive for long?

It took almost half and hour for the battle to end. Lloyd was bruised and battered, unable to dodge everything Kratos threw at him. Kratos seemed invincible – still running on caffeine.

As Kratos prepared the final blow, the rush ended.

He stiffened and began to stutter. His words were barely audible, but everyone could tell what he was trying to say.

"L-L-Lloyd…"

Kratos fell to the ground. Lloyd quickly ran up to his father.

"Kratos…Dad! Wake up!"

Kratos slowly opened his eyes. He wore a frown that only depressed people could even imagine.

"You wish for me to break the seal…very well."

Kratos' mana began to flow freely from his body, freeing Origin…and ending his life.

He fell to the ground, but was quickly grabbed by Yuan. A blue light radiated from him.

"It's okay. I gave him some of my coffee."

"You mean mana?" asked Sheena.

"Yeah. That too."

* * *

MOC: This is, in comparison to the other chapters, a relatively serious fic. 

(Silence, besides laughs from the audience)

MOC: But don't worry! I swear we'll be back in the next chapter with our insane, crazy and just downright stupid stories...of coffee.

(Dun dun DUN!)

MOC: ...Indignation.

(BANG!)

SFX Crew: But that wasn't us...

(Meanwhile, in the background...)

Zelos: Mwahahahaha!


	5. Kratos Funny

Disclaimer: Who owns Namco and Tales Studio? Not me!

* * *

Lloyd: Ugh...must...read...next...chapter...(collapses from lack of humour)

MOC: Crap. Get him to the E.R. again.

(Switches to an operating room)

MOC: Scalpel?

Nurse: Scalpel. (passes scalpel)

MOC: Syringe?

Nurse: Syringe. (passes syringe)

MOC: Coffee?

Nurse: Cof-COFFEE?

MOC: Yes, coffee.

Nurse: ...Sorry, I kinda forgot the coffee.

MOC: Crap.

(Runs to box with words "DO NOT OPEN EXCEPT IN EMERGENCY" on it and smashes it, pulling out a few sheets of paper)

MOC: This calls for...ANOTHER KRATOS CHAPTER! (begins to read)

* * *

"I have business to take care of." 

Kratos was asking for temporary leave from the party during their stay at Triet. He didn't mention his location – he couldn't, or they'd never let him.

Lloyd seemed to understand.

"Kratos, you can do whatever you want. Just get back here before we leave."

Kratos almost smiled.

"Thank you. I will be back."

And so the mercenary left, leaving the band behind him.

* * *

_Here we are…the Renegade base._

Kratos walked up to the door. There was a small intercom.

"Who is it?"

"Kratos Aurion. I'm here to see Yuan."

Silence. It didn't sound like Kratos was getting in.

_Wait a minute…Yuan put in some kind of password…_

"I'm the delivery guy. Where do you want your coffee?" Kratos recited.

Again, silence.

"Welcome, friend."

The door slowly slid open. Kratos entered, looking to find Yuan as quickly as possible.

_I'm **really **worried about him…

* * *

_

"Yuan?"

Kratos opened the door, expecting to see a dreadful sight.

Even so, he could imagine the horrific state Yuan was in.

Coffee cups lay across the floor. Yuan's eyes were like saucers, glaring at Kratos.

"Youwantcoffee? Youknowyouwantcoffee,everyonewantscoffee. IknowIwantcoffee…"

Yuan appeared to have forgotten how to breathe.

He jerked out a hand, containing a cup of coffee.

"Drinkit. Drinkitnow. You'llloveit…"

Then he fell over, barely conscious.

"Yuan!" Kratos exclaimed, grabbing Yuan before he hit the ground.

Yuan had transformed. Now he had pulled out a sword a held it at his neck.

"Goodbye, cruel world…I have nothing left to live for."

Kratos struggled to hold the daggers in Yuan's hands.

_This coffee is a deadly concoction…_

Kratos needed to get Yuan help. Fast.

He did the only thing he could think of – took a cup and forced Yuan to drink it.

Instantly he was back to his hyper self.

"Yay! Now it's your turn!"

_What?_

Yuan quickly grabbed a cup and rammed it down Kratos' throat.

_No…this is the end…for my rational thoughts…_

* * *

"I wonder what's taking Kratos so long." 

The party were beginning to worry now. He'd been several hours, and they were all ready to go.

"Oh my Martel…"

Raine was staring at the nearby shed where Noishe was staying. But she wasn't staring at Noishe.

She was staring at his new friend.

"Is that…Kratos?"

Sure enough, Kratos was rubbing next to Noishe on all fours.

"You know, I've always liked you…"

Noishe whined. He was obviously disturbed.

"It's awful what Lloyd does to you, riding on your back like that. He'll break something…"

Lloyd ran up to Kratos.

"What the hell are you doing!"

Kratos froze, then stood up.

"You're sick, you know that? Picking on an endangered animal like Noishe…"

Kratos suddenly pulled out a set of stickers, giving one to each member of the party (except Lloyd).

"I am the president of the SPCP – the Society for Protection from Cruelty for Protozoans!" he shouted at the top of his voice.

"Kratos, Noishe is a dog." Lloyd said, embarrassed.

"Shut up! You're pathetic – I'm ashamed to call you my son!"

This took a moment to take effect.

"Your…your son?"

Kratos suddenly realized what he'd said.

"Um…it comes with a free sprinkling of amnesia dust!"

He sprinkled a fine powder onto the party, making them forget what had just happened.

At the same time, the caffeine ran out.

Kratos slumped on to the floor.

"Forget it. It's not like a guy like me can do anything about this…"

The party was distressed at Kratos' sudden change in condition.

Raine, in particular, was worried in what had she had seen.

_As soon as I get the chance, I'm going to find out what happened to him._

She'd have a long time to wait…

* * *

Lloyd: ...Ha...haha...hahaha! (Lloyd jumps off the table) 

Nurse: You did it, doctor!

SFX Crew:_** MOC gained 786 exp!**_

**_MOC levelled up!_**

**_MOC is now Level 74!_**

**_MOC got 3000 gald!_**

**_MOC got an Apple Gel!_**

**_MOC-_**

MOC: Shut up! (beats up SFX Crew)

SFX Crew: We were just doing our jobs...

MOC: So, anyway...the reason that I wrote another Kratos chapter is that I wanted to give Kratos as nutty a chapter as everyone else got. I think it came out okay...but really, please R&R!


	6. Raine

Disclaimer: MOC's dead body doesn't own ToS, Namco or Tales Studio.

* * *

(MOC is lying on floor, very dead. Raine enters) 

Raine: Oh my...

* * *

(Flashback to just after last chapter was published) 

Zelos: Look, let me make my point. I need 5000 Gald to pay off a loan. I'll pay you back later.

MOC: Alright then...(freezes) Wait, aren't you really really rich? Can't you pay your own debts?

Zelos: Um...(Stabs MOC 427 times)

MOC: Ow. (dies)

Zelos: Well, that takes care of that. (walks away)

(End flashback)

* * *

Raine: Wait...what's this in his pocket? 

(picks up a small piece of paper)

Raine: (reading) "Okay, this is my new chapter. It might be a little late, because I don't think it's as good as the rest..." Oh my. I thought he'd forgotten about this...

* * *

"So, you say Yuan has an addiction to…coffee?" 

Kratos sighed.

"Yes. I take responsibility – I introduced him to it."

Raine was lost in thought.

"I suppose that explains your actions in Triet…"

Realizing what he was being accused of, Kratos panicked.

"No! I'm off the stuff now, honestly!"

Raine giggled.

"I'll see if I can help him. Just bring him to Iselia tomorrow."

Raine didn't know what she was getting herself into.

* * *

She had a cup of coffee on her desk, but she had no intention of drinking it. Raine was disciplined like that. 

"Raine, I've brought Yuan."

Raine looked at Kratos. He was carrying Yuan on his shoulder, tied up with metal chains on his legs.

Raine wasn't really expecting it to be this serious…

"If you must know, it is the only way to stop him hurting himself…or other people."

He put Yuan onto a chair opposite of the Professor. Yuan appeared confused, like he didn't know what was going on. Maybe he didn't…

"Now, Yuan. Do you know why you are here?"

Yuan nodded.

"Kratos said I was getting candy! Yay!"

Yuan smiled. He'd have hit the ceiling if he weren't shackled.

Raine gave Kratos an awkward glance and began to whisper.

"You LIED to him?"

"It was the only way he'd come here…"

She looked back to Yuan.

"You'll get the candy after we're done, OK?"

Yuan nodded again.

Raine held up the cup of coffee.

"Yuan, what is this?"

Yuan's eyes were the size of saucers.

"COFFEE!"

He tried to jump onto the cup, forgetting he was tied up. The result – hitting the floor. In a particularly painful manner.

"Ow…"

Raine was disappointed.

"I can see this is going to take a while…"

* * *

Raine spent the next 4 hours trying to tell Yuan about the dangers of coffee. It seemed like she was getting through, but it would take a while. 

Then Raine had an idea.

She pulled out the coffee.

"Look, Yuan. I'm going to show you how little coffee does for you."

In a moment of insanity, Raine drank the coffee.

Yuan watched on, like a curious child watching a chemistry experiment.

"…Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating!"

Raine had entered Ruin Mode – Extreme Version.

She picked up a nearby piece of paper.

"Oh, how marvelous! It looks like a relic from the era of Mithos!"

Yuan had spent the last few hours squirming through the chains. He would be free in a matter of seconds…

"Absolutely fantastic! Its pure shade of white must make it a holy artifact!"

Yes, Raine was staring at a piece of chalk.

Meanwhile, Yuan had finally escaped from the chains and was trying to get out of the classroom.

He was somewhat disappointed to find Raine had blocked off the area as a "Research Zone".

_Dammit._

One thing was for sure, though. He was never touching a cup of coffee again for as long as he lived.

Yuan considered chopping up the sign, but he suddenly realized his sword was missing.

He didn't exactly have to guess what happened to it…

"Amazing! It must have belonged to the people of Balacruf!"

**Smash!**

Raine was overjoyed to find she now had several pieces of broken glass from a window to study.

* * *

"What! Raine's on coffee?" 

Lloyd wasn't best pleased. This was made obvious by the fact he was choking Yuan.

"You idiot! Do you realize what she's going to do now?"

Yuan would have replied, but he was having more trouble breathing than saying anything.

Lloyd eventually let go of him after Yuan went a strange blue color.

"So aren't you going to use the Eternal Sword or something?"

* * *

"Unbelievable! What could this red liquid be? It looks just like blood…" 

Raine had obviously forgotten that sharp glass wasn't generally good for your hands. Fortunately, she hadn't fixed the window, giving Lloyd plenty of time to jump in, Eternal Sword in hand.

"Eternal Sword, please cure Raine of…"

"Ooh! Give me that!"

Raine grabbed the sword out of Lloyd's hands.

_Wait, stop!_ Called Origin. _You have not the right!_

"Oh, shut up!" cried Raine, kicking Lloyd for no obvious reason.

Then Raine realized something that could easily destroy the world.

"Wait a minute…I have that book, don't I? The one we borrowed from Sybak?"

She pulled out a giant black book, labeled "Book of True, Utter Evil – Only open if you want to end it all. Literally."

"Excellent. All I need is one turn of a page and untold power will be mine!"

Raine began to open the cover. Lloyd was still reeling from the kick and could do nothing.

She was halfway through opening it when the coffee wore off.

Raine's pain sensors didn't so much start working again as go into overdrive. She threw away the Eternal Sword like it was on fire and managed to hit Lloyd on the side of the head. The book fell back over and closed itself. Raine collapsed, crying.

"What have I done? The school…the world…Lloyd, I'm sorry…"

Yuan popped his head through the window, witnessing the destruction.

"And that's one more reason I'm not touching the stuff."

* * *

Raine: ...(reading again) "P.S. Raine, if you're reading this, please revive me. Yours, Master of Caffeine"... 

(Raine looks at MOC's body)

Raine: (reluctantly) Root of creation, grant us the breath of life. Resurrection.

(MOC is revived)

MOC: Woohoo! I beat Death!

(Zelos appears)

Zelos: Hey, I thought I killed you...

MOC: Eep! (runs off stage) R&R! Sorry for taking so long to post!


	7. Zelos

Disclaimer: All your Namco are not belong to Master of Caffeine.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MOC: -in crutches- Hey, everybody. It's me again. If you're wondering what took me so wrong to write this damn chapter, I got beaten up by a bunch of Square Enix fans because of another fanfic I wrote.

SE fans: GET BACK HERE! WE'RE NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!

MOC: Oh, crap. Look, just take the chapter and get out of here!

-runs away-

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everyone has bad days. We've all had a day where everything you try to do backfires and you get stuck looking like a dumbass in front of everyone you know.

Zelos Wilder was having one of those days.

Walking through the streets of Altamira, he looked over all the stuff that had gone wrong today.

The cup of scalding water Colette spilt over his face in bed.

The slap Sheena gave him immediately after for his cursive language.

The chair he smashed his head against as he fell to the floor.

Okay, it was still 9:45 in the morning, but he was still having a bad day.

Barely conscious, Zelos stumbled into a bar.

The smell of cheap beer filled his nostrils, doing nothing for his health. A few drunkards were screaming in the background, still going from the night before. Zelos grabbed onto a stool, barely standing. He could barely make out a large, muscular man poorly wiping a glass, missing a giant piece of mould wriggling at the bottom.

"Kid, you look bad."

It took Zelos 30 seconds to realize the bartender was talking to him.

"Uh…yeah."

Having your brain screwed up like that didn't help your vocabulary.

The bartender grabbed a glass from a stack and filled it with a strange liquid that Zelos couldn't make out. He picked it up and motioned to the Chosen.

"Here. This one's on the house."

Zelos staggered over to the bar, nearly dipping his hand in the drink.

"Thanks."

Grabbing the cup, Zelos began to drink. He didn't realize how thirsty he was until he'd finished the entire glass.

"So, that your first cup of coffee?"

Any sign of fatigue in Zelos' body had vanished. He stood straight, and was smiling like a madman.

"Yes, yes, first cup, gotta go now, gotta tell my true love how I feel, bye!"

The bartender watched as Zelos pranced out of the room like he'd just won the lottery. Twice.

The man sighed, and then went back to wiping his glass.

_It's always the worst the first time_, he thought to himself.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Today's the day,_ Sheena thought to herself. _I'll tell him now and get it over with._

She'd known that she'd had something for Zelos for a while now. She had a feeling he felt the same way too, but he was just too nervous to admit it as well.

She would make the first move today. It was now or never.

_But where is he?_

For a ninja, Sheena wasn't very good at tracking a target down. She didn't have the instinct she was meant to have mastered as a child-

_What was that?_

Or maybe not.

All Sheena had seen was a shade of pink flying past her. It was a shade she'd recognize anywhere.

_Zelos!_

She was running now, trying to keep up. Even if he was the Chosen, Zelos normally didn't run that fast. It was like something was giving him that little bit extra to let him exceed his own limits.

_Is it…? Nah, can't be._

_----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Of course he knew where he was going.

It was the third time he'd been through the city. He'd been taught to memorize locations in a matter of minutes (very strictly, which always helped).

He was walking past the amusement park, staring at all the kids having the time of their lives.

"Wahoo. Loople-do."

Presea was doing her part as well. Admittedly, she was pretty wooden, but the children loved it.

"Hey, Zelos! Over here!"

_Sheena?_

He could hear someone running through the crowd – no, two people. One was barely audible – that was probably Sheena – and the other was slamming the ground with every step. Zelos, undoubtedly.

It was too late that he realized Zelos was headed straight for him.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zelos stopped suddenly, causing Sheena to nearly crash into him.

"Zelos, what the hell are you doing?"

The instant the sentence left her mouth, she regretted it. How could she say that now when she was about to confess her love?

"S-sorry. I-I-I have something to tell you…"

_C'mon, girl! Now's your chance!_

It didn't matter that Zelos wasn't looking at her. She'd hear him for sure.

"ZELOS WILDER, I LOVE YOU!"

For a moment, silence. Zelos turned to Sheena, crying himself.

"Sheena…I'm sorry too."

Their eyes locked. They could see nothing but one another.

"I've already chosen someone, honey…and it's not you."

Sheena went rigid.

_No…this isn't happening…_

Who could have won him over? Who-

_Of course. Lloyd, you bastard!_

"It's Lloyd, isn't it?"

Of course she knew what he was going to say. Lloyd had beaten her to it. She'd never have him. Her – them – everything – all of it was gone.

"Nope."

_What? It's not Lloyd?_

Sheena was bamboozled.

_If it isn't Lloyd, then…who?_

_----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Wahoo. Wahoo."

_This has become most repetitive._

Presea wasn't exactly enjoying her work. But what did it matter? The children were happy, and that was all that mattered.

"ZELOS WILDER, I LOVE YOU!"

Presea was distracted momentarily. The scream hadn't attracted the attention of everyone in the park.

_Sheena?_

Presea stood and watched as Zelos broke the ninja's heart. Carelessly, without a hint of remorse.

_Who could he love more than her?_

"It's Lloyd, isn't it?"

Presea mentally slapped herself on the cheek.

_Of course. Odds of Zelos falling in love with Lloyd, if not with Sheena: 100 percent! Why did I not consider this?_

"Nope."

Another mental slap.

_This makes no sense. Who could –_

Then, in a flash, it all came together.

Presea saw someone standing behind Zelos. He was the one Zelos had been running to find.

A previously unknown feeling ran though the girl. She felt stronger, faster and tougher than she was before.

_Is this…anger?_

But of course it was. Considering who was down there, what else could it be?

_Zelos…you shall pay._

_----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Of course, one person had figured it out before anyone else.

The person who Zelos was staring at right now.

One Genis Sage.

"Aw, you're so cute when you're like that."

Genis froze on the spot.

"N-now Zelos…you've got this all mixed up. Y-you don't-"

Zelos kept walking.

"I only called you 'Brat' for a joke, you know. Really, I really, really, REALLY like you."

_This is a dream, this is a dream, this is ALL a horrible dream!_

Zelos grabbed the half-elf by the shoulders and brought his face near.

"In fact, you could say I love you."

Genis was petrified. Every bone in his body told him to get the hell out of there, but he couldn't move an inch.

What followed was a traumatic event that would keep Genis awake for months afterwards.

Zelos was planting a kiss straight on his lips, and he wasn't letting go.

_Oh, Martel! WHAT...WHAT DID I DO WRONG?_

Finally, Zelos let go. Genis gasped for breath, trying to calm down.

"Don't worry, pal. I'll be back for more."

That was it. Genis could take no more.

He fell almost in slow-motion, his knees buckling as he collapsed.

Zelos didn't notice the two figures running towards him, weapons in hand.

But hell, did he notice the impact.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Genis? Have you awoken?"

Genis opened his eyes wearily. Presea stood over him, tears in her eyes.

"What…what happened? I just had a horrible dream…"

"It wasn't a dream."

Sheena moved in the corner of his eye. Her hands were covered with the blood of a certain Chosen.

"He was on coffee, so I guess he kinda has an alibi."

Genis was in shock, holding his head in his hands.

"This isn't possible. Something's…something's not right."

Presea nodded.

"I agree. This is most unusual."

Sheena looked into the distance, as if staring at something on the horizon.

"It's like something brought coffee into the world just to see what'd happen."

All three nodded in unison.

"But who could it be? Who would be so cruel?"

The boy's fingers danced over the keyboard, like a pianist's.

"Excellent. This is brilliant! Everyone will crack up over this one!"

This was his love, his passion. He could make people laugh over stupid things like people drinking coffee.

All at the expense of a few people who didn't exist…

Or so he thought.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MOC: Oh my Martel! A plot!

SE fans: THERE HE IS! GET HIM!

MOC: -sighs- Not again...

-runs away-

MOC: I'll update sooner this time! I promise! In the meantime, please R&R soon, I may not have long to read it!

-disappears into the distance-


End file.
